Tuesday, January 31, 2012

How My Heart Behaves

Well, I went in the RA doctor's office ready to hear the bad news, sign the waivers (after peeing in a cup to prove I wasn't pregnant), get the lecture on how my new wonder drug will stay in my system for up to 2 years after I stop taking it. I get, I get it, I GET IT! I will start my look for an IUD tomorrow. No babies for me, no a lot of things for me. I get it, I'm getting robbed as my Dad says.

Then the bomb dropped.

I was asked to take this new blood test called the Vectra-DA test. It is the latest and greatest in the world of Rheumatology. This test measure 12 certain proteins that are only distinctive to people with Rheumatoid Arthritis. There is a scale of activity from 0 to 100. They calculate the 12 proteins and those specific percentages and then they calculate some other fancy pants formula to give you your dumb dumb head number. Mine is 70. Now I think 70 isn't that bad, but apparently it is one of the highest numbers my office has seen, and one of the highest numbers the lab in San Francisco has seen. I'm like..."no shit sherlock". I knew my disease wasn't under control but I didn't know what was coming next.

The test tested a CRP. My CRP was quadruple the normal range and I was in the 99% tile for that. What is a CRP you ask? That is one of the biggest inflammation markers, in particular an inflammation marker for your heart. I read in the past how some RA patients suffer with heart issues, well I'm one of them now. I have an inflamed heart that needs immediate attention. So not only do I have to go to the hoo-ha doctor for a painful IUD, now I have to race to get to a cardiologist to have my inflamed heart checked out. When does it ever effin end? I always knew I was an over-achiever, apparently Rita is too. My Rheumatoid Arthritis is an over achiever.

My doctor looked legitimately sad for me today, so much so, she gave me a hug. I didn't break down. I waited until I got in the car for that part. I came home in shock and the tears wouldn't stop flowing. I have to compartmentalize what happened to me today and what will continue to happen to me. I do not know how long that will take but I am shellshocked. I hate to be a complainer, I know people have it worse. I just don't know how much worse.

So, as I drug myself up and attempt to shut my brain off, I keep listening to two songs on repeat.

How my heart behaves...it behaves inflamed apparently. Then Shellshocked.

I planned on writing 365 posts, but writing double today will lend me one for tomorrow that I will not write. I need alone time in my own head. I have to give my heart a break before it attacks.

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