Sunday, January 22, 2012

Long distance relationships ain't for sissies...I'm a sissy.

It has been 20 long days since I last saw my fiance. I handled the departure well on the 2nd. Not so much on the 22nd. I hit, or am about to hit, rock bottom. Granted we have phone conversations, texting, and's not the same as being side by side holding hands and laughing. I admit I slow played him big time in the beginning but my slow play is kicking me in the ass now. It sucks. I once googled how to make a long distance relationship work. I google a lot. I have a google addiction. Google gave me tips that were already in use. We send one another things and cards, we e-mail letters, we try and watch the same things so we feel we are sharing the same experience. It works, but not as well as I want it to work. I fear that distance will eventually make us grow apart. You may ask why not just be together now? It's a long story that includes a short bus of disability and a low chance of finding full time work where he is. I had to choose the practical man. I admire his practicality but I also disdain it because sometimes you just have to take that jump and see where it goes. I should be thankful for his practicality (and I am) but I'm lonely and I miss him. I never had a love that hurts before. This distance adds to the sting from the slap in the face.

I also was told a horrible story this week at my 95 year old grandmother's nursing home. I've made friends with most of the aids on the floor that help take care of my grandmother. So I came into her room this week and I saw Lorna (the aid) sitting with my Nana. She was telling her how she won't be here for a few weeks because she had to fly back to Kenya for her fiance's funeral. Her fiance was working in Dubai. They hadn't seen one another in a year and she was going to go to Dubai in May to spend time with him. Well, just the other day he went to sleep and never woke up. He was 38. Lorna was in shock and couldn't grasp the fact that he was gone. They were planning and saving...saving and planning. Look where that saving and planning got them? I was and still am so sad for Lorna, and that story resonated with me all week and has made me incredibly sad. That could easily be me and my fiance. Lorna is now in Kenya grieving her great loss and saying her last goodbyes to her love. It's not fair, she's so sweet, caring, and giving. Why did that have to happen to her?

 I hope this is the year that we get to be together full time. It means less time of both of us being further set in our ways and more time being together in case some sort of Lorna story hits us.

On a lighter note, I came across cute pillows the other day while guessed it...googling Valentine's related presents. These pillows are cute for the long distance relationship people out there.


The Bird and the Bee has a catchy tune that I listened to a lot this week...

....and the Chromatics cover of a Springsteen tune. This tune was always haunting but now it's double haunting.

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