Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Pain Speaks. Pass some Alanis over please.

Man, I had a doozy of a hard physical test today. One that lasted for 4 hours non-stop. It felt more like 4 years. I am no wussy by any means but I told the physical therapist that I wanted to cry. She laughed and said she has seen grown men cry during this test. At the end, my poor knee was SCREAMING in agony and other joints that were not even hurting at the beginning were yelling "hey lady, what the hell did you do that for?!?!". My ankle that was doing better after that shot I had a couple of weeks ago? Well, that is swollen again. I see braces in my future tonight along with bio-med and some sort of ice packs and pain relief. The test bummed me out. It was just yet another smack in my face of how I am unable to do many things I think a normal young 30 something could do.

When I got home, I have to say my nerves were raw and the pain was taking over my brain and personality. It's amazing how pain takes over and makes you someone you don't want to be. Add that to minimal sleep last night, well let's just say I should go to bed early and not speak to anyone. I don't have the energy to fight my misanthropic ways and pain just want's to talk for me in forked tongue and a devil voice. I wonder if exorcist patients have pain? Huh.

Not a soul knows how to console me when I'm in pain. I stopped bothering looking for pain acceptance. I just want to shuffle to my shell and stay in there for a few days until the processing is completed. Pain works on my brain and my thought process as well.

I don't want pain to settle in and become the normal. I fight it everyday but I read on other RA blogs and follow other RA patients, they found comfort in accepting the pain and making room for it. I have a hard time with that. I, for the most part, accepted getting genetically shafted and for the most part accepted that my life will never be what it once was, or be what it should be....but pain is a hard jagged little pill to swallow. Yes. I like Alanis Morissette.

Let's see how many references to her songs and my RA I can make.....it's the pain talking....

My RA was Uninvited....1

My RA makes me CRAZY sometimes...like today (does this count? This stupid song was done by SEAL.).

My RA can be IRONIC at times (even though this song is not technically about irony....just bad luck, hey my RA is bad luck!).

My RA does make me KEEP ONE HAND IN MY POCKET when swollen and I want to hide my ugly deformed sausage fingers...

My RA has made me LEARN....damn you Rita.

My RA could technically get me a never ending legal prescriptions for MARY JANE....

I sarcastically THANK (you) my RA on a daily basis....

I should OUGHTA KNOW what my RA does to me and accept it...

One day ALL I REALLY WANT is RA and all auto-immune diseases to have a cure...

One day I would like to put my FEET ABOVE MY HEAD instead of HEAD OVER FEET. I miss my dexterity and limber ways.

Wow, I did 10 comparisons. My pain is on a roll tonight.

One more I could not resist. no, NOT THE DOCTOR...again.....


  1. I love your blog...and hope that your pain decreases after that nightmarish test.
    ~ J.

  2. Thanks J, ol'RA Rita is still pissed at me and she's making me pay still. I hope I'm done paying soon.