Monday, April 2, 2012

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road...and Kneecap?

Another blow for me in the world of Rheumatoid Arthritis occurred today. For the last three years (always in late March or early April) I have had surgery. This is the first year in 4 years that I have not had a surgery screw up my birthday. Today? A discussion on surgery took place! Granted no surgeries are taking place around my bday this year but the thought of having one coming up is annoying to say the least. Today my knee doc mentioned a kneecap amputation to save me some time because I am on the young side to get a total knee replacement. My mouth dropped and thought, how can I stand without a kneecap? Apparently my life might improve in the pain department...I just don't know. I really never thought I would have to face these decisions at such a redonkulous age! So frustrating. Then I was thinking about all of those self-absorbed narcissistic ass wipes that have so many cosmetic surgeries just to look better. I have to have surgeries to try and function without a limp and feel better. I really became enraged with that thought. Plus, I am having the worst lung issues on the planet. I sound like a 3 pack a day smoker with this odd hacking. It actually hurts to breathe. I know it is not bronchitis so now I have to go to the doctor tomorrow hoping and praying I do not have RA lung. Many idiots out there who do not understand the difference between their foot and their ass do not realize that so many organs become involved with RA. I'm hoping it is just medicine related but I know I'm going in for a lung x-ray tomorrow. I guess nothing should surprise me tomorrow.

I came back to reality yesterday from my vacation in WV, and I came back to this shit? Plus, I started a new course for my Master's degree and this one is going to kick my ass. Shoot, I hope I can at least get a B. I never ever hope for a B because I am anal Annie and NEED (not want) the A. I lose my mind for anything less than a A, so this hope is a departure ahaha.

My fiance started school today too and I am patiently awaiting to hear from him in regards to his first day. I know he often checks my blog to see if I updated it. I hope his first day went well and I want him to know how proud I am of him. Not many loved ones share with one another how much they love them, respect them, and how proud they are of them. I am guilty too. He cracks me up, today he posted Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall". As many years of education I have under my belt, I can honestly say that this brick is still oddly shapes and never fits with the others.

Why am I so tired after a vacation? I need a vacation from my vacation!

I know I don't want to be another brick in the wall RA patient, but it seems like that is what I am becoming!

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road of hope!


  1. So sorry that you are having to go through this. But I am not sure about why no TKR. They are suppose to last about 20 years with normal use. So unless you are an avid runner (laughing by now...yes?) then ask why you wouldn't be a candidate for a TKR instead of this surgery. I often hear this from other young ra patients about how their docs say they are too young for a joint replacement. That is old school thinking. You might want a second opinion on this one. But that is me talking. I always want a second opinion on any surgery. Good luck and will be looking for your updates on your blog.

  2. Hey Deb,

    This was my actual 4th opinion haha. I share your sentiments on second, third, and in my case fourth opinions on any surgery. I even went to a younger doctor about a TKR and he was against it too. I noted that TKR's last a longer amount of time now but I would need at least 2 knee replacements by the time of my demise. So, I guess they are thinking longer term than I am because my peg leg is bugging me. Plus, all doctors are concerned because my RA is really not in control or has been in control. I wish I could find a ballsier knee doc. I will keep trying I guess. Thanks for your well wishes!