**Sidenote- I really at one time did have beautiful handwriting. That is quickly fading away because of my hands and fingers**
Back to my rant...at the end of yesterday I was feeling the pain in my palms and fingers. I tried wrapping them in a moist heated towel. I threw away my sand. Has any other RA patient been told to buy sand for sandboxes from Toys'R'Us and heat it up and place hands in said sand for 5 times a day to help relieve tight tendons? I looked at that whacko after he told me to pretend I was at the beach. I quickly retorted, "I wish having RA was like a damn day at the beach! That means I could actually stop being a vampire and get some sun where meds for RA don't break me out into blisters and rashes. It also means that I can stop taking 50,000 IU's of Vitamin D, have a drink, and pretend life is just one big beach party!" What a complete asshole.
I digress, I heated those puppies up last night, took my usual nighttime regiment of RA drugs and during the night I had one of those dreams again. I always have a dream that could be about bunnies hopping in a meadow. Then all of a sudden the dream stops and a version of me is in my dream saying "I hurt". I really despise those dreams. Sleep has been awful since RA has become worse. No position is comfortable for any joint and I just want to escape for a few hours in a pain free place. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning barely able to open my right hand. When I did my RA finger exercises before opening my eyes, something felt completely off. A digit was not right. I opened my eyes and looked. My right thumb (which has some erosion) was completely whacky and bent/curved off in a direction I never saw it before. I kept hoping it would go away or go back to what its old normal was, but as the day progressed, it stayed the new normal. I never thought a thumb or fingers could hurt as bad as some of my afflicted major joints do (hello right knee you are the size of a watermelon today). Whew this sucker has been a mess today. I had another chapter to read and I did not dare take notes. Actually, I taught myself not to type with my thumb today. That was a tricky deal. I don't even know what is normal anymore when it comes to RA. So many people with this disease suffer things I do not suffer with and vice versa. I wish in a way that more of us showed the same type of symptoms. I think it would make me better understand what is happening to my body. I guess I definitely learned a lesson....don't ever take hand written notes again. Plus, in the wise words of RUN DMC "it's like that and that's the way it is".
Look at this thumb! What am I to do?!
Here is an oldie but a sweet goodie!